How to get rid of SHYNESS!
Even if you’ve never felt this shy, chances are you know someone who has. “People with severe shyness have a fear of negative evaluation,” explains Sue Cleland, a Brisbane social worker and founder of Social Anxiety Australia, who herself once suffered from extreme and debilitating shyness. “They worry that people will judge them negatively - from the way they walk, what they say and the decisions they make.”
Shyness is personality trait, not a psychological disorder, and it has varying degrees. According to Salih Ozgul, a clinical psychologist at the Australian National University’s Psychology Clinic in Canberra, there’s a clear distinction between shyness and social anxiety disorder. “Shyness becomes a problem when it causes great distress and life disruption, such as the person having problems making and sustaining relationships.”
Things you can do:
1. Identify your triggers
“Shy people can be perfectly fine in some situations, such as at home or with family,” says Rotch. “It’s only when they start avoiding situations that the problem becomes obvious.”
What situations make you feel shy and anxious? Speaking in public? Going to parties? Ask yourself how you usually feel beforehand. Do you automatically make negative predictions? Are there physical reactions such as a pounding heart or sweaty palms? When you’re in the dreaded situation, how do you behave - by avoiding eye contact?
2. Get real
Instead of believing that the negative thoughts you have are facts, you need to challenge your thinking.
“Shy people don’t have the capacity to accurately interpret social signals.” says Rotch. “They immediately think negative thoughts.”
Professional encounters with people in authority, such as doctors, and the families of patients absolutely terrified Cleland. “I’d think to myself, ‘They think I’m totally unprofessional.’” Her recovery depended on being able to replace her unsubstantiated self-doubt with positive thoughts. She learnt to do this with the help of a self-esteem course. Today, Cleland believes in herself and her professional abilities, and she knows people value her input.
3. Jump in - gently!
It’s the most critical step: “exposure”. That means deliberately putting yourself in situations that make you feel uncomfortable.
“A person needs to face their fears to overcome them,” explains Ozgul. “But the main aim [of exposure] is to create opportunities for a person to learn to feel safe in situations that they would avoid, to learn to feel confident in their capacities to cope, and to retrain their body not to respond automatically with fear.”
By Louise Waterson
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